we don't talk anymore

letters I'll never send

to the friend who didn’t care enough to call,

we met in 2nd standard or was it 3rd? I don’t remember exactly but you were my best friend, honestly my only friend in school. you’ll remember how much we hated our class, how mean everyone was. talking to you felt easy, we didn’t have to try hard, we saw each other every day and conversations just happened.

but after school ended something shifted.

we still spoke every day but there was more space, more distance. I don’t know what happened but one day I realised I was the only one reaching out, only one making conversations.

and you… just stopped

at first I thought I was just overthinking it and everything didn’t have to be equal so I kept reaching out. I thought maybe you were going through something, maybe everything would go back to normal, but it was hard when you never noticed or maybe you did but didn’t care enough to make it right.

then one day I decided not to, like a test, to see when you would call.

I waited for days, weeks but

you never did. no call. no text.

and I didn’t either.

and now it’s been 6 years since we last spoke

it’s funny how i’ve seen our other classmates after school ended, but not you, not the girl I called my best friend.

should I have confronted you? maybe that would have been the right thing to do, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t confident enough, I didn’t like having hard conversations. I just couldn’t, not when it felt like you weren’t interested in the friendship anymore, like you weren’t interested in me. I felt like I was asking for too much, like I was too much. I didn’t want to let it go but holding on felt more difficult.

but what hurt with you was how easily you let go. how you didn’t even try to make things better, you left like I was just something you were tolerating.

I don’t know what really happened, maybe it was something I did or didn’t do, but I just wish you had talked to me.

this didn’t end there, it stayed with me for a long time. i started expecting people to leave one day just like you did, without a conversation, without an explanation.

and it happened. again.

it’s been years now. I have moved on, but I sometimes still wonder if we would still be friends if things had been okay back then.

I tried looking for you on socials but you’re nowhere, it’s like you never even existed, no one knows anything about you. I don’t think I would contact you even if I found you, not because I hate you, honestly I never have but I also don’t want to re open that door.

sometimes I wonder if you even remember me, if you talk about me or am I just a past you don’t revisit?

from your ex best friend,
xoxo